Last night I dreamed that I finished the race in 86 minutes. In my dream, I ran at a very relaxed pace and even stopped for a while to admire the ocean…
Sure, I was disappointed with my time, but it’s not like I’d really tried. And it was just a DREAM.
There’s no way I was going to run that slowly in real life. I was prepared. I’d been training on the course, I’d been doing my speed work.
My “A” goal was to break 80 minutes.
My “B” goal was a PR: faster than the 82:23 I’d run last year.
My “C” goal was to finish without getting struck by lightning (earlier in the week they’d been calling for thunder storms).
It was 55 degrees and foggy when I woke up. It was only supposed to be 49. Sure, I’d prefer a little cooler, but 55 wasn’t terrible. I could work with 55.
Kurt and I ran a short warm up (probably just under a mile). I had decided to take the Timeless Challenge, and had left my Garmin at home, so I don’t know exactly how far we ran. I was feeling pretty good, though.
We snapped a “before” photo, before I put my phone in the car.
When we came back out, just 5 minutes before the race was supposed to start, I decided that I’d go back to the car and get my camera to take a picture of the starting line.
This was a HUGE mistake. After putting my phone back in the car, I made it to the start, but I had to line up pretty far back. I wasn’t too concerned at the time, though. They had added chip timing this year, so I figured it wouldn’t matter much.
Boy, was I WRONG.
We started SLOWLY and were packed in so tightly that I couldn’t get around people who were barely moving.
I got to the 1/2 mile mark in 5:50. The whole “timeless” thing doesn’t work too well if you hear your splits called out. I hadn’t thought about that.
I panicked. I needed to be running 8 minute miles and I was on pace to run my first one at close to a 12 minute mile.
So, I sped up. My one mile split was 9:55. I panicked some more.
Was it even possible to recover from that?
Do you see how well this whole “timeless” thing was working for me?
I felt okay physically, until about mile 5, but in an attempt to make up for my slow start, I was running too fast. I was not happy. I managed a smile when we ran by a church just before turning onto Preston and there was a Gospel group out front singing and clapping for us. How could you not smile at that?
But I knew I had screwed up and I was pretty furious with myself.
My seven mile split was 1:01:52. I hate to admit it, but I gave up at this point. I knew I still had three miles to go, and I knew I wasn’t going to make my “A” OR “B” goals. Sure, I could keep running as fast as I could, but what was the point? It hurt, and I wasn’t going to be happy with my time anyway.
The irony was not lost on me. This way of thinking was exactly what running “timeless” was supposed to eliminate.
I was mad at myself for making such a stupid mistake and disappointed in myself for giving up. I was still running, and it was still hurting. I could’ve dug deeper and run faster, but really, WHY?
I just couldn’t make myself do it.
So I finished in 87:16. Five minutes slower than last year.
One of the race perks this year was the addition of the Queen City Timer App, which I had installed on my phone last night. So I had visual proof of my dismal performance INSTANTLY. Well, after I walked to the car and got my phone, but I think you get my point.
Had I done well I would have thought the app was cool. But I was too busy being miserable and feeling sorry for myself.
Kurt had finished so long ago that he was getting cold. He needed the car key, which I had, in order to get his coat. He wanted to head back to the finish line to wait for one of his friends.
I just wanted to disappear. But that wasn’t an option, so we went and got his coat and my phone. I told him to just go do whatever he wanted to do. I didn’t want to subject him to my bad attitude and crabbiness.
I was not proud of how I was reacting.
I grabbed a banana and a hunk of Dakota bread from Great Harvest Bread Co (which I was not too crabby to at least appreciate).
For some absurd reason, I felt like I needed an “after” photo.
So, this race was another blow to my already damaged running ego.
I think it’s time to take a break from making time goals for myself . I’m sick and tired of not living up to my own expectations.